Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
I needed this today! Brandon devised a new plan for A to earn money for Indiana Jones legos. He told A, 'I will give you $2.00 everyday you don't make your mom yell at you.' I laughed. I told A he better have a plan. It all started last Friday. He didn't have a plan. So I typed one up for him and made him sign it.
Saturday after we asked him to follow his plan, he says, 'The plan doesn't include Saturdays and Sundays!' Brandon was the one who yelled at him Saturday so he still got his $2.00 because I didn't do the yelling. He was doing really well Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. So he's got $8.00 now and today I thought...if he wants to be stubborn and defiant...let him. Two can play this game. I was controlling myself so well and for what? For him to be defiant and disrespectful again. I told him, 'Just because I'm not yelling at you doesn't mean you're making good choices. You will not get your $2.00 if you keep this up. I will get your $2.00.' He grunted at me. Then came the spanking...still no obedience...then I decided...yes, I decided, to also choose poorly. I yelled. So now who gets the money? Brandon.
9 comments:
Oh I love the paper you made him sign what a great idea!! Wish I could control my yelling!!
My email address is kristij21@hotmail.com. Let me know about the crockpot one, how interesting!!! And how did the pinto bean fudge turn out? Isn't that what it was??
Love the e-mail way funny. I love your plan that is so cute I always say I am not going to raise my voice or yell then half way threw the day it always happens!!! I hope your plan works!!
i like the contract idea, i just might try it.
Thanks for "Mcsteamy!" Have you been watching?--its been really good. Also, thanks so much for the sweet card...it made my day! You are such a thoughtful friend! :)
that is a good plan! WOW - why do kids cause us stress!
I think that is more like punishment for Mom. I don't know if I could do it. My list would include things like "don't hit your brother, use potty words, or push your sister down." That was a good laugh to start the day on. Thanks.
Is there anyway to keep your kids little??? I will have to keep the contract idea in mind! That email is pretty funny, right on!
I wish 3 year olds got the concept of the contract! I'd pay 20.00 a day if there was no yelling!
Too funny Staci. Sounds so much like me. I love having the kids sign a contract. Good idea.
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